New Rules for Boozing: Beer Geek Edition
I’ve just re-read the 86 Rules of Boozing from Modern Drunkard, a list that’s been around some years now, but still very much applicable for folks who enjoy sidling up at the bar. I realized today, however, that the list does require some minor additions that take into consideration today’s bar blunders. I’ve been to a few bars, see a lot of things, figured I’d toss my hat in the ring with a few updates. Please let me know if I missed something obvious. Also understand, I could never write anything as cool or as thought out as those original 86 rules.
- It is OK to take pictures of friends and strangers while drunk. It is not OK to post them immediately on Facebook or Twitter. Give it a night and revisit. Thank me later.
- If your boss or co-workers are Facebook friends or follow you on Twitter – feel free to block or unfriend before a night of planned debauchery. This is especially true if you’re in a job you’re not happy with, working with people you barely tolerate. If you fail to plan this one out, you have nobody but yourself to blame for the consequences.
- If the bar is busy, you can’t geek out on your beer. Don’t ask for ABV or IBUs, hell, don’t even ask about the style of beer. Order promptly (Rule #74) and drink the damn beer.
- Even if the bar is empty, you cannot neglect rule #38 to take notes on your beer. If you can’t hold a casual conversation because of your precious notes, you really ought to drink at home.
- If you’re a doctor, principle or public figure – you must not be able to update any social media accounts via cell phone.
- It is never OK to take a phone call in a quiet bar. If you must talk on the phone, take it outside. (Like that at Erny’s Tin Bar you’re on the hook for a round if you answer your phone).
- Defacing the restroom in any bar, for any reason, only proves that you’re an asshole. There are no exceptions.
- Stealing a buddies iPhone to update their Twitter account with nonsense is OK, but you can never do it to a casual acquaintance or with someone’s work phone.
- If someone buys you a beer, you’re obligated to drink it – at least some of it – even if it’s crap. Some of life’s best moments occur with bland beer.
- A beer has to be really bad, obviously flawed, sickening in fact, before it’s OK to complain in detail to the barkeep. You’re allowed to say “this isn’t good” if needed, but further elaboration is unnecessary and won’t win any favors. Unless, of course, you’re asked to elaborate. Even then, be careful.
- It is never OK to tell someone you’re drinking with “I just Tweeted you”.
- You are always allowed to ridicule a friend for their choice of drink or fruit additions. It’s not OK to do the same with a stranger.
- You are not allowed to ask for a discount or any freebies because you have a blog or rate beers online. Ever. Business cards are great, and it’s always cool to tell someone what you do for a hobby. Just don’t expect a free beer from everyone you meet.
